What does it mean to be a whole single?

I asked a question on my Instagram story: Does anyone know what it means to be a whole single? The responses I received were mostly “no.” As I write now, I trust the Holy Spirit to guide and help me explain what it means to be a whole single. 

According to the Oxford Dictionary, Wholeness means "the state of being unbroken or undamaged." Another definition refers to "the quality of being complete." A whole person, therefore, is a complete person—someone who is not divided or broken. A whole person is someone whose state is not defined by the shortcomings of their past or the circumstances surrounding them. Our wholeness is found in God, our Creator!

The story of Adam and Eve illustrates this. Genesis 2:25 tells us that both Adam and Eve were naked but unashamed. Yet in Genesis 3:7, after disobeying God, "as soon as they had eaten it, they were given understanding and realized that they were naked, so they sewed fig leaves together and covered themselves."

So, what changed? What happened? They were in the same situation but reacted differently. This shift occurred because of their displacement. The people who felt whole and complete in Genesis 2 became embarrassed and ashamed in Genesis 3 because they left the place God had assigned to them. This happens to us as human beings when we stray from where God has placed us.

They immediately felt that something was missing in their lives after their disobedience, just as we often feel that being single is a curse or that something is missing. The devil offered them a false identity and unnecessary exposure, just as he tries to make you feel that your single season is a mistake.

God Himself is complete, and the only way to find wholeness is in Him.

So, what does it mean to be a whole single?

The fact that you are unmarried does not mean that you are incomplete. What makes you whole as a single person is not the addition of another person to your life. What makes you a whole single is being who God has called you to be, where He has called you to be, and how He has called you to be. The issue with Adam and Eve wasn’t their nakedness—it was their displacement from God's will. You might be single, but you are still complete.

A whole single does not put their existence or identity on hold until they get married. A whole single doesn’t just long for or desire marriage without preparing adequately for it. A whole single pursues and obeys the instructions God has placed on their heart.

The addition of another person only amplifies who you are. It enhances the life you’ve already built and are living. I once saw a reel where a mother prayed over her child with the caption: "You can't be this mom if you weren't this single." There is so much truth in that statement. The life you fail to live as a single person doesn’t magically appear when you get married. If you feel incomplete as a single person and wait for a spouse to complete you, you will feel even more incomplete in marriage because your expectations will not be met. The Bible reminds us that we are beautifully and wonderfully made—not with the addition of others but in ourselves.

A powerful story that drives this point home is the parable of the ten virgins. Although all ten desired the bridegroom’s arrival, only five were adequately prepared. This illustrates that the kind of marriage you desire begins with the kind of life you build in your single season.

Some people spend so much time dreaming about their wedding day that they forget their present life is also meant for living. Although God said, “It is not good for man to be alone,” it was the same God who first created Adam without a woman and gave him work to do in the garden.

What determines whether you are a whole single is how you spend your waiting season. Do you lament and question God, or do you fully embrace this phase of life? Are you doing all God has asked of you in this season, just as Adam worked in the garden before Eve was created as his helpmeet?

To my brothers: You say you’re waiting on God for a wife, but do you even understand or have clarity about the work God has placed in your hands? To my sisters: You dream of being a “Mummy G.O.” or a pastor’s wife, but are you building the capacity for the role you desire?

A whole single is someone single yet complete in their singleness. A whole single actively pursue God’s heart for their life in this phase. You desire a purposeful marriage, but it begins with being a purposeful single. A whole single is someone who is fully in God’s will, doing His work for this season of their life.

The truth is; if you feel incomplete as a single person, no relationship can fix that. Wholeness is not found in a partner; it is found in God. The life you build as a single person is what you bring into your marriage. You are complete in Him, not with the addition of anyone else.

Conclusion

Singleness is not just for the waiting room; it is a season of preparation, growth, and purpose. Live fully in this moment, pursue God wholeheartedly, and embrace the calling He has for you now. Be the single who is naked yet unashamed—complete, purposeful, and walking boldly in God’s will. You are already whole!